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Give that man a makeover Apparently the Church of England has consulted a marketing agency to address the problem of falling attendance in the Big House. Numbers have been falling since the 1960s and so, in an effort to keep up with the times, adverts have been created. The goal? To make the Church seem less ‘churchy’ by pointing out all of the other scintillating activities offered; antiques sales, flower arranging, judo and ballet lessons. We’ve all seen the posters outside the churches, some wittier than others, but even the people that make them admit they don’t bring people in. Even advertising agencies consulted about how to handle the ‘campaign’ haven’t come up with any ideas that interest me. One such agency suggested using the recent win at The Ashes as ‘proof’ that God exists. If so, am I the only one left wondering why it’s taken so long and how come He never does anything about flippin’ Wimbledon? Forgive me, but I think that more radical steps are needed to get Britain interested in spirituality or religion. These days, when a major company is underperforming, there is a cry for the resignation of the Chief Executive. I call for God to step down and let a young, bright spark take over and kick some ass to get the company back on track. At the very least should God not have to submit to a radical makeover? The old guy isn’t looking so good. In an age when youth and beauty are revered, let’s face it; he’s looking a little tired. Most public figures of his age and prominence have had some work done, even if just around the eyes and jowls. I know, I know, perhaps the grey and the wrinkles help to cultivate an air or wisdom or solemnity that some might argue necessary for a spiritual leader. But isn’t that part of the problem? So much seriousness and judgment; am I the only one that finds it, well, boring? Maybe it’s the result of my generation, but I want most things in my life to be fun and exciting - even sexy. In a fast-paced society we no longer have that Job for Life; we can retrain on a whim to work at something that makes us happy. From mascara to world travel, the iPod to wireless Internet, we have choice and variety, speed and convenience. I want the same from my spirituality too. Christianity never did work for me. From the dry and dusty hymns of my school days to the endless too-literal readings from the bible in my RE lessons I’ve been bored and repelled. So much so that Christianity put me off from religion as a whole. I’m sure our children in school these days are so much more aware of world religion - they can probably tell you who wears what headscarf at least – but I didn’t even realise there were other religions until I was in my mid-twenties. Even now the word ‘religion’ or ‘God’ makes me shudder, just a little. The word has become synonymous with patriarchy and, it seems, the same is becoming true of the word ‘terrorism’. It’s not just the suicide bombers that use God as an excuse; even Bush claims God told him to bomb Iraq. However, just because some use their religion to justify doing bad things, it is, in itself, not enough reason to avoid religion entirely. If a person finds that Christianity works for them, gives them comfort, helps them to become a better person and get more out of their life, then all power to them. I couldn’t be happier for them. But don’t ask me to sign up. My problems with Christianity as a philosophy are just too wide and varied. Firstly, the idea of an old guy on a cloud watching my every move. I just don’t buy it. It makes no sense. Even if there were a guy on a cloud and that he would care about judging what I do and don’t do with my life from moment to moment seems to me to be plain silly. Don’t even get me started on sex being sinful! This whole thing would be a lot easier if God would just give in, snort a little coke and experience a simple, catastrophic fall-from-grace that we inflict upon our culture’s other idols; namely supermodels, television presenters, rock musicians and film actors. Perhaps then we could seamlessly design a new idol, make the equivalent easy move as from Kate Moss to Sienna Miller and develop a national spirituality of choice that actually works for the majority, not the minority. So no, I don’t think that the advertising is going to cut it. I’m not sure a makeover will either. After all Wiccans have already given God a sex-change, made He into She and they worship the Goddess, but most of us are scared not ‘Charmed’ by the idea of witches and woefully ignorant of magic, its meaning and usefulness. Where do we go from here? Christianity may have had its day and not be the answer, but most of us are seriously lacking a certain something. The results of our dog-eat-dog world and everyone-out-for-themselves is cultivating a society where most abuse themselves with both legal and illegal substances and many are unhappy with their lot and obsessed with the lives of celebrities as a way to avoid looking at themselves. On an international scale we step over those that currently have no address and willingly maim, kill and starve those in other countries, enticing and encouraging retaliation from some people that use a different brand of God to justify their terrorist actions. Maybe I’m just lucky. A few years ago, despite outwardly having all the trappings of apparent happiness (big house, family, business, husband) my unhappiness kick-started me to study philosophies, religions and other ways of life. It’s true that I no longer have that life; everything that I thought I had or was has changed radically since I decided to ‘get real’. But I have found a real contentment and deeper meaning in my life, an understanding of how the world works and a relationship to something that’s bigger than all of us. I simply wish that ‘God’ and our national religion offered as much to us all. |